The idea behind submission in marriage concerns mutuality of support, not domination or command. The way of Jesus is for each to support the other. Mutuality of submission in marriage is a relationship of mutual giving of one's self to the other. This kind of submission does not mean compliance, or deference to another's authority. Jesus himself made that clear when he said that none of us should "lord it," or have "authority" over one another.

The culture of secular society is manipulation and control over those from whom it seeks to derive profit -- benevolent if possible, but if not, then whatever works. Pragmatism becomes the kernel philosophy of life, or of one's world view.

The way of Jesus is to serve and attend to the needs of others. As Jesus submitted himself to his disciples in washing their feet, so a wife and a husband submit themselves to each other. As a believer submits to Christ, so a wife and husband submits to and supports each other in all things.

Christ gave himself for the church, his bride; putting her welfare ahead of his own. Jesus did not have to die. He could have left us all alone to die in our own sins. He could have allowed mankind to perish. He was motivated by love and had our interests at heart. Christ died for the body of believers to make them holy, cleansing them by washing them with the water of the word, in order to present them to himself as a radiant body, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

So a husband and wife looks upon each other, motivated by love and the other's interests, desiring to present their spouse to Jesus.

So a husband should sacrifice himself for his wife, putting her interests and welfare ahead of his own, loving her as his own body.

By respecting her and honoring her as Christ does his bride, a husband earns the right to lead his family as Christ earned that right by sacrificing himself to lead the body of believers. How can we who believe not follow Christ after his giving himself for us? And if a husband sacrifices himself for his wife, how can she not follow him?

He who loves his wife, loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does for those who follow him - for they are members of his body.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh -- one body!

This is a profound mystery -- about Christ and his body, those who believe in him and who follow him -- a mystery reflected in marriage. So love your wife as you love yourself, and your wife's belief and faith in you will follow."

Ephesians 5:21-33 (paraphrase)